The Canadian Military is Prepared! Patriot Missiles Canadian Style!

Today I found that I had gotten a couple of hits from a Canadian Site based in Alberta, Canada, that was apparently all about DRUNKEN CANADIANS. Do we see a recurring theme here?

His post:

Un-Educated Clown

Well to my discovery today, I can pull back and laugh at my own country too. But this guys takes the cake. I normally pass this kind of shit off, but not this time. Have you ever visited www.negativepositive.org/fuck-canada.html or better known as Poo on Canada. That basically wraps up this guys intelligence for me. The Poo part I mean, he can't even spell it properly. Half of this guys feedback is pissed off Canadians, or Europeans telling him where to go. Really, when I make a crack about an American or America it's usually about the beer being 4% or the IRS taking 30%. But this guy had not one positive thing to say about Canada. We all make fun of yourselves in tasteful humor, we can laugh at yourselves, because your good nature. This guy is just a blatant Asshole. How can you possible hate everything about a country, when you've never been here? I'm going to do a poll. How many of my visitors at this site have been to Canada? Email me Here I want to know exactly where you traveled in Canada and what you thought of it.

Here's a caption

#18) Their Self-Appraisal That They Are A Polite People
It's all fine and good to declare that you are a polite people. After all, EVERYONE believes that they aren't rude or arrogant. The kind and gentle people of Canada fill my guestbook to the point of bursting with threats of violence. They scream at me (in below-par grammar and spelling) about the high, high quality of their beer and the way they want to stomp my face in. Ahhh - Miss Manners gets a little snippy when she drinks too much.

This really doesn't have any particular point but using a bunch of useless facts to prove his unlawful and rude points. I'd stomp on your face to if you made comments to me like you did on your whole site. I can see why this guy doesn't get traffic. If he hadn't insulted anyone, he may have people that would actually like. Hateful people never really make it that far in life and this guy who refuses to give him name, obviously is to chicken to face society on a regular basis.

Let's recap...

His title, "Un-Educated Clown," sets the stage for the deluge of horrid grammar to follow. It's ironic how he's making fun of my lack of education by MISSPELLING "UNEDUCATED."

"Well to my discovery today, I can pull back and laugh at my own country too."

He discovered that he can laugh at his country also? Huh?

"But this guys takes the cake."

Sentence Fragment. Is "Guys" plural or possessive?

"Have you ever visited www.negativepositive.org/fuck-canada.html or better known as Poo on Canada."

Is that a question or a statement?

"That basically wraps up this guys intelligence for me. "

"Guy's."

"The Poo part I mean, he can't even spell it properly."

And how do they spell "Poo" in Canada? "POUGH?"

"Half of this guys feedback..."

"Guy's."

"Really, when I make a crack about an American or America it's usually about the beer being 4% or the IRS taking 30%."

Since Canadians like to use Budweiser as the "typical American Beer," I will too. It's 4.9% alcohol. Molson is 5.0%. If you drink enough beer for the ONE TENTH OF ONE PERCENT to add up enough to be noticable, they're going to carry you out of the bar in a body bag. Middle-income American taxpayers pay 29%, whereas Canadians pay 22%... PLUS they pay Provincial taxes, which in Alberta are another 10%. Do the Math. Well, do the math if you're actually sober enough to hold your head off the table.

"But this guy had not one positive thing to say about Canada."

Yeah. Generally, pages dedicated to Pooping on Canada will not focus on the nice things. Go figure. Oh, and uhh.... nice Sentence Fragment.

"We all make fun of yourselves in tasteful humor, we can laugh at yourselves, because your good nature."

Wait a second. I thought this guy was from Canada, not Bangladesh. This guy should write fucking chopstick wrappers for a living. "Am be enjoying yours nice chinese food and being happy when uses traditionally chopstick thank you." What's going on with that pronoun agreement?

"How can you possible hate everything about a country, when you've never been here?"

"Possibly." Also, I've been to Canada six times in my lifetime.

"This really doesn't have any particular point but using a bunch of useless facts to prove his unlawful and rude points."

Look out! I'm an OUTLAW who makes UNLAWFUL points. Lock me up! I've got OPINIONS and am therefore a CRIMINAL!

"I'd stomp on your face to if you made comments to me like you did on your whole site."

"Too." Yeah, Violence is generally the first choice of diplomacy for drunk lummox frat boys. Why break the mold?

"I can see why this guy doesn't get traffic."

Good point. Obviously he used THE FORCE to know what my page says since nobody hits it.

"If he hadn't insulted anyone, he may have people that would actually like."

...it? ...him? ...waffles? Can I get a direct object please?

"Hateful people never really make it that far in life and this guy who refuses to give him name, obviously is to chicken to face society on a regular basis."

From this guy's site about getting drunk and throwing up, I can see that he's going far, and is truly an example of how to be successful in life. And I'm not "TOO" chicken to give my name and I don't recall ever REFUSING to do so, as he so eloquently referred to me as, "this guy who refuses to give HIM name." I still find it perplexing that this guy grew up speaking English. It's Mike. So uhhh... What's his point? I figured we were on a first name basis, since he only used his first name on his site. Is that even relevant? I also gave my email, a link to my guestbook, and where I can be reached on Dalnet. Would he like a hand-written invitation? Perhaps I can have a car swing by and pick him up.

Well, kids, the moral of the story is that if you're going to try to make someone look stupid, it's best not to write a column about it when you're so drunk that you have to lean your forehead against your monitor. It's also best not to comment on someone's intelligence when you wrote a column right next to it about how you've been watching "Starship Troopers" for the past four days.

Originally I had a picture of the guy and his URL at the top, but we had a good laugh, and decided not to take ourselves too seriously. It's no fun to prod the beehive when there are no bees inside. Then you just look like a dumbass with a stick, poking at the world's ugliest pinata.