WARNING! DANGEROUS PUDDLE!

It's often the habit of aging idealists to bitch about things that have been on the decline in their lifetime, and I suppose I'm no exception.

When did public safety become such an obsessive thing? People can hardly manufacture anything anymore without a good lawyer and a million warning labels. Even that isn't good enough though. Companies get sued all the time for products that are unsafe only to people who are incredibly stupid. Weebles were one of my favorite toys as a toddler, now they would be seen as a surefire choking hazard, and my swing set was like a briar patch of bare rusty bolts. Somehow, by some miracle, I survived, having swallowed zero marbles and zero starwars figure guns.

If people started following the safety label on Q-tips, and stopped sticking them in their ear canals, there would be no market for Q-tips.

Ban sex. It spreads several diseases that could cause death, and could lead to death during child birth.

Someone will find a way to kill or injure themselves with any possible object. Is it a cause for legislation? Should food be outlawed as it is the biggest choking hazard of all? Should headphones that go above a certain level be banned, as they could damage hearing? Should we repave all the roads and sidewalks with Nerf, so no one falls and breaks their hips? Think how many deaths are caused by cars, planes, kitchen utensils, and unhealthy foods.

Ban fire. It's dangerous. Fire better have good legal department.

In short, most advances that humans have made since they stopped walking on their knuckles could have some sort of hazardous effect. Ban technology in general. It's so much better to live without the worry caused by all those small objects and sharp edges. Or maybe it's the attraction of all that free money that you could get from a lawsuit that proves that, "Yes, this object, when wielded by a moron, could hurt someone."

Do you find it as hard as I do to keep a straight face when someone sues a cigarette manufacturer claiming they didn't realize that smoking was dangerous? Is it not common knowledge? Are people really stupid enough to need the warning label to make it obvious? Even if they do need it, it's been on every pack for 20 years or so.

I liked my potentially unsafe childhood. I survived it with minimal scarring. As a result of being surrounded by things that could hurt me, I acquired this funny habit... I LOOK AROUND ME. I OBSERVE MY SURROUNDINGS. I TRY NOT TO HURT MYSELF. I AM CAUTIOUS. I DO NOT RELY ON THE FOAMY PADDING TO KEEP ME FROM SPLITTING MY HEAD OPEN. I DO NOT CONSULT AN ATTORNEY WHEN I STUB MY TOE.

Being a strong believer in evolution, I can see that a safer world means a weaker offspring. Have air conditioning, clothing, and farming not devolved us enough? There are people in lots of 3rd world countries and wilder areas of the world who may never own a pair of shoes in their entire lifetime and never complain about it. We've all seen those dumb muscle guys who lift weights and drink creatine shakes. They think of themselves as "fit" and "strong," but watch what happens when they step on a piece of gravel with bare feet. "OWW FUCK!!!!"