Some lessons are hard-learned. Some lessons aren't really lessons because you don't really care and kinda just have something cooking on the back burner. Enter Nisha Narulla. This is a girl I started talking to on Dalnet a while back. She claimed to work at Citibank as the Senior Database Administrator with a Masters Degree from Princeton. After about a WEEK, she had started saying things like "I love you," and started talking about children's names. Why did I not turn tail and run like someone chased by a troop of howler monkeys? This girl had sent me pictures of an Indian actress named Bipasa Basu saying that they were of her. Apparently she's just about the biggest star there is in India, rolling Britney Spears and Julia Roberts together and multiplying them a few times. HUGE. I didn't know at the time, and having nothing really invested, and keeping my avenues open, I figured I had nothing to lose, so I played along. Why not? The girl in the picture was really hot.

Dating came up in conversation at work and one of the guys asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said, "not really," but that I was talking to a girl online. The guy was from Bangladesh. When I showed him a picture that Nisha had emailed me, he immediately started laughing and explained who it was. A quick search on the internet brought up about a dozen pictures that she had sent me claiming that they were of her. Not being one to pass up a good liar-nailing, I gave her a call and asked, "Who's Bipasa Basu?" She got all irritated and defensive, and immediately sent me new pictures claiming that they were really her. Once again they were of an attractive Indian girl. These were of none other than Diya Mirza: MISS INDIA! I kinda figured they were bullshit, but hey, at worst she'd be good for a laugh or a few smacks on the ass. It's not like I was having an engagement ring sized or anything. She then sent the same pictures to most everyone in #newyork on Dalnet and told them all the same elaborate stories about them like, "This picture was at my cousin's wedding. I hated that dress."

What followed was a long string of missed dates because her "big important job" kept sending her on "big important business trips." I could see clearly that she was most likely full of shit, or was at the very least, a complete flake. For my birthday she bought me a CD MP3 player. Yeah, she really knows the way to a man's heart. Bribery.

Then one day, she claimed that she had a lump in her breast that she needed to have examined. HEY! How convenient that this discovery was made on the VERY DAY that we were supposed to meet for the first time after her "big important business trips" were over, and that she would have to "spend a few months at her parents' house in Atlanta." The bullshit detector was blaring. This led to a few weeks of her making remarkable recoveries everytime I seemed to be losing interest, followed up by drastic relapses every time actually meeting seemed imminent. I might be horny, but I'm not retarded.

Then one day, someone on IRC recognized the girl in the picture and once again, internet searches turned up every one of the pictures she had sent out. With that, I sent out an email...

The Emails...

Nisha
It was ALMOST forgivable when you did it the first time. I bit the sour pill of humiliation when someone laughed at me and explained that my "girlfriend" had sent me a fake picture of herself and that the picture she sent was a huge star in India.

So what did you do to make up for it? You sent me a picture of Miss India. You're so modest.

No wonder you were so shy about meeting me now that you're finally home, if, in fact, you ever left New Jersey. My "date" was on the other side of the earth with a beauty pageant sash on.

Being unattractive is forgivable. Being a pathological liar isn't. This has nothing to do with how you look. If you look like Salma Hayeck and lie to me, I don't want to have anything to do with you. There are people online who have sent me real pictures of themselves, and while I don't neccesarily regard them as attractive, I can say that they are at least genuine human beings, and hence, head and shoulders above some psycho who can sit and lie to my face for three months.

At this point, I can't believe a single thing you have said. I thought it was odd that you were in Atlanta and yet still logged into a New York ISP, but I disregarded it. Now it's suspect. I doubt every word you've said to me now. I don't believe Princeton. I don't believe Atlanta. I don't believe Cancer. I don't believe you cared about me, and even if you did, it makes no difference to me at all now. Someone who cares about me could tell me the truth. Someone who lies through her teeth to me to impress me will always be a zero in my eyes. Even if everything ELSE you said was true, the fact that you so effortlessly fabricate untruths nullifies any value you have to me. If I don't believe you, it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

Don't call me. This is way beyond being worked out. Don't come to my apartment. You won't be welcomed. If you truly and deeply feel that your worth is below what others could accept, and that the only way to mesh with society is to lie, you should seek some serious psychological help.

Mike

About a month later she replied...

Nope. I'm not writing to explain nor do i want to get back into your good books. What you or anyone else on irc thinks of me doesn't bother me. You're all a bunch of people who lead virtual lives anyway, making real friends probably isn't your style. My brief virtual life thought me one thing though- nothing beats having real friends and a real boyfriend and oh yea, irc or any chat room isn't the place to go looking.

But then again, being home and being sick with nothing else to do- it was fun while it lasted. Actually made a few real friends, who stood up for me, didn't expect them to but regardless of how i look, they still care. Before I forget, contrary to what you think - i am far from unattractive. I've even got my webcam working- should you feel the need to verify it. Citibank, 111 WallStreet- Nisha K. Narulla, Sr Database Administrator- i'm here from 8am-7pm, in case you're curious.

Being in Atlanta on a NY ip? Maybe you should read up on BNC's. You could learn a thing or two.

I dont think I ever loved you, just like you never loved me. I know I cared and you probably know too although you wont admit it coz if i didnt, i wouldn't bother when you were sick and i wouldn't come to ny to spend your birthday with you or get you anything. It was also not my fault that you didn't want to meet me.

And yea, dont flatter yourself thinking I'm going to show up at your apartment. There are nicer guys and much better looking ones out there:-).

Nisha.

As far as your sickness, I don't buy it anymore. Something always popped up at the most convenient time. The more I think about it, the more I doubt you went anywhere. It was always just something to postpone us finally meeting and having to explain to me that you lied to me TWICE about who you really were. The sympathy was an added bonus, no doubt. Something to add to your score.

As far as your attractiveness, I was well ready to tell you to take a hike even thinking you looked like Miss India. As much as you lied to me about everything, you had SOME NERVE to get moody and needy and accusing. I put up with all your moody shit because I wanted to fuck a hot girl in a picture. That's ALL. When I found out that you lied to me the second time, it wouldn't have mattered WHAT you looked like. I still wouldn't want to have anything to do with you.

Am I curious about your job or your webcam? To quote you, "Don't flatter yourself."

You found a boyfriend? Wow. That's a feat. Not like every human being alive who owns a vagina could find someone who's interested in stuffing things in it. He's not Bipasa Basu's co-star this time is he? Yeah. I saw that movie poster.

BNC's? Nope. Since I'm not some psycho stalker on IRC with a need of multiple identities, I don't think I'll have a need for that.

You attacked my attractiveness? Oh, bravo. That's deep. That would of course be "going for the kill" in the mind of someone with such a low self image that she needs to hide behind fake pictures of a different person to feel like she's appealing to others. Using schoolyard "you're ugly" stabs is far less effective against someone who actually enjoys his own identity.

Oh, and uhh. Thanks for the mp3 player. It was almost payment enough.

"My brief virtual life thought me one thing though" It's "taught." Learn to spell, Princeton Grad.

Mike

I might have forgotten to mention my Ace in the Hole.

My roommate works for Citigroup.

I find it strange that someone as important as the Sr. Database Administrator would not be in the Global Corporate Directory.

No Nisha K. Narulla.
No Nisha Narulla.
He tried multiple spellings.
How odd! No Records Found.

Apparently the directory includes everyone from Interns to Managing Directors. But for some uncanny reason there's NO NISHA NARULLA ANYWHERE in it.

Since you're the big important person in charge of the computers, why don't you look into why the computers don't seem to think you're employed anywhere at Citigroup or any of its affiliates.

Cheers. Enjoy your weekend.

Mike

Funny how she never had a sly response to that one.

About a year later, I received a couple more emails from Nisha

Mike,

I never had the courage to write before, did a lot of stupid things and i would like to apologize for what happened. Don't have an excuse or explanation. Life went on over the year, i've gotten married to a wonderful person and am really happy.

I have a request, and i'm hoping you'll understand where i'm coming from. That piece you've written about me on your webpage..a few people have come accross it and it gets very embarassing. That might not be me in the picture but it sure has my name in it. My husband's friend happened to come accross it and asked me about it, i didnt have much to say and it was a sore point between my husband and myself. Can you please remove it? I know you probably hate me and i'm pretty sure this e-mail will come back with a nasty response and probably be shown to everyone on dalnet but i would really appreciate it if you could look at it from my point of view.

I hope you understand. Thanks, take care.

-Nisha.

I know i've written to you before, but to no avail. I'm going to try once again. I would really appreciate it if you could that take article off- its creating hell in my life. Why cant you understand? I appologised for whatever i did, what more can i say or do?

-Nisha.

What more can you do? I suppose you could reflect. You could contemplate. You could be relieved that you never sent me any actual pictures of yourself to accompany the article. You could most likely rest assured that you probably didn't even give me your real name. You could try harder not to make yourself into a laughing stock. You could stop sending me more emails as they will probably just make the page longer, and any emails you send me are my property to do with as I please. You could keep quiet and slip into my distant memory, or you could keep emailing me and keep my attention, all of which is venomously negative. You could be more careful who you lie to.

Oh, and you can kiss my ass.

Mike