negativepositive@hotmail.com

Updated Nov 15, 2006

dear canada sucks guy i think you have too much time on your hands. see i guess i could admire that you backed alot of our opinions with facts but lets be realistic here alot of people do hate America even thought the country is beutiful it is people like you who ruin it now now im not saying canada is better then the u.s because it has been said by alot of non-canadian and americans but thats not the point. the point is that your just a sad sad human being who gets off on writing ignorant and arrogant things about a country you truly know nothing about aside from your little statistics (most of witch probably arent even true) you reconize what you said about your own cities washington detroit etc. that their your bloodiest cities mind you canada has it's share of complete fucking lunatics to refer to a whole fucking city as bloody and and full of murder is proof all in itself now me i am only 16 years old and you are probably older and more wise and i see that so why dont you use that to benifit things you sound at least a little intelligent why waste you time fighting a fuetile battle. its kinds funny what you said of immagrants the only reason alot of people immagrate to america is mainly because your right fucking there speaking of mexico of course which at this point is the largest group of immagrants in america now if mexico was near canada like on the other side of a fucking fence then i doubt they would think twice on wheather they should go from complete and total corrupt society to a free and comfortable country such as the us and canada see its merely a matter of conveniance see if someone was about too kill me and i had a choice i could run out the door beside me or the door across the room i mean come on it's only common sence man hahah. so if you want to continue to make fun a belittle people who probably live far away from you move to canada and say that to our faces go ahead walk into a bar or pub or nightclub your choice and voice your opinions i mean as young as i am i would probably kick the shit out of you now thats not a threat considering i could being a 6 degree black belt and highly traind in judo and kickboxing but im not here to threaten you with my little words i am a person of action but i hope maby one day you'll see the light and that might come from some canadian delivering you a well desrved beating or  i hope something less violent like you finally come to the relization that you people and not your country suck fucking saudi arabian greaseball fuckin oil slicked cock sleep on that muthafucker

This is what an email with four periods sounds like.
http://www.negativepositive.org/hatemail.mp3

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Note: Right click, save, and read along.

From :  Callum Morton <fullmetalferret@hotmail.com> Sent :  Thursday, October 12, 2006 6:26 PM To :  <negativepositive@hotmail.com> Subject :  none

"Americans don't even speak real English. You can't even spell metre and colour and neighbour correctly." The total number of people who speak English worldwide is 508million. 280.6million of those are from the US. That's more than half. WE have the majority of English speaking people in the world, so YOU all need to learn to spell METER and COLOR and NEIGHBOR the way the majority of English speakers do.

^Is an excerpt from your site, its the americans that need to speak english properly, just because more people are speaking incorrectly doesnt mean that theyre right, its like saying the holocaust wasnt wrong because it had a large amount of support with the locals.

From :	negativepositive@hotmail.com
Sent :	Thursday, October 12, 2006 6:47 PM
To :	<fullmetalferret@hotmail.com>
Subject :	Re:

Godwin's Law. You AM smart.

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On a side note, this guy is telling me I don't speak English properly. I have corrected his email below.

^This is an excerpt from your site. It's the Americans that need to speak English properly. Just because more a majority of people are speaking speak incorrectly doesn't mean that they're right. It's like saying the holocaust wasn't wrong because it had a large amount of support with the locals.

From :  Peter Yalelis <0424@mts.net> Sent :  Sunday, October 9, 2005 2:20 PM To :  <negativepositive@hotmail.com> Subject :  zipper head

Hey you fucking zip head. Consider you site to be wiped. Racist remarks such as yours are not tolerated on the net. Ass face, your server of your site is located in The U.S making it very easy to prosecute. I have your address and all other personal information about you. I have been watching your site for quite sometime waiting for you to make a wrong move. Instead of bashing Canadians why don't you put pressure on your Government to invade yet another country, maybe ours, seeing you are lacking water. Watch and learn you are a waste, a disgrace, coward, hate monger. These are your own views.

hackkot*

From :	negativepositive@hotmail.com
Sent :	Sunday, October 9, 2005 10:31 PM
To :	<0424@mts.net>
Subject :	Re: zipper head

I don't even know where to start. You threw me a curve ball right off by calling me a "zipper head" and then in the same breath calling me a racist. That took me by surprise, because I expected that anyone who's intelligent enough to read well enough to do more than just look at the pretty pictures on my site, and thus be annoyed, wouldn't be stupid enough to use a term like "zipper head," which I've never even heard out loud outside of movies about the Vietnam War. You, uhh, do realize that "zipper head" is a blatantly racist term, sort of the "N-word" for Asians, right? And that calling me a zipper head, despite the fact that it doesn't even apply, is totally racist... WHICH IS NOT TOLERATED ON THE NET. This brings me to my next question. Not tolerated by whom? You mean like it's illegal? Did I break the End User License Agreement of the internet by exercising my right to free speech? If my site, which is satirical and NOT racist, is illegal, you would think that genuinely and openly racist sites like the World Church of the Creator, etc. would have been prosecuted years ago, yet there they are. So if you don't mind, I'll continue to consider my site not "wiped." If, by chance, you're confused and think that "zipperhead" means something else, I would suggest that you seek clarification in the form of finding an Asian male, preferably a large one that can beat you up, and shouting, "Hey, zipperhead!" I'm sure you will know from his reaction whether or not he thinks this is a racist term.

As far as "waiting for me to make a wrong move," what were you doing, waiting for me to slip up and post my Social Security, credit card and bank account numbers? Did you think I would suddenly get a wild hair and post all my personal info and the personal info of all my family members, maybe lists of allergies and pet peeves? If you had been watching my site for quite some time as you claim, it puzzles me why you would choose to send me a nasty email TODAY. Were you stalking me in the shadows waiting for me to go a full year without updating the site to spring your trap or something? The people who frequent my site bitch at me for not ever updating. Was that what set it off? Was that where I fucked up? I can picture you looking at your calendar and staring at the clock until 2:20 PM on Sunday, Oct. 9 2005, thinking, "...... 5.....4....3....2...1... HIT SEND! MUHUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!" I'm confused by the whole purpose of this email if it's not to make yourself look like a complete moron. Maybe it's my SEVERE DEHYDRATION that is making me confused, seeing as how we're lacking water. I mean, it's been years since I turned on the faucet and had anything but grey dust and evil laughter come out.

By the way... My own views are that I'm a waste, disgrace, coward and hate monger? Odd. I don't remember expressing that as my view at all. I will "watch and learn" from your 1337ness, "Hackkot". The fear is in me. By the way, the name "Hackkot" embodies all that is 1337. Honestly though, it would be refreshing if all these "1337" kids would start thinking up original names. I mean how many "AN1H1||80Rs" and "HAKKMA5T3Rs" and "Arc-Arch-Ark-Arck-Archk-angels" do we really need? Why "Hackkot?" Because "Hakkot" was taken.

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I'm utterly stunned! 

And utterly vague!

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GASP! MY SECRET! MY HORRIBLE SECRET! LAID BARE FOR EVERYONE TO SCORN! I thought I had kept it hidden so well! What could have gone wrong? I kept it so far from the pryingest eyes! I even tattooed "I <3 JESUS" on my chest in eight inch tall letters. How is it that you could have the clairvoyant vision to tear through my impenetrable facade and lay my shame naked for all to see? Alas that I am finally unmasked. Whatever shall I do now? There's no use in denying what you so clearly see. Not since I came down from the mountain with the tablets on which I had chiseled The Ten Commandments, God's Holy Laws, which he told me and bade me record and bring forth to the people, that they may know the will of their deity has my Jew-ness been so flagrantly obvious. I remember the day as though it was yesterday. I had just come down the mountain with the tablets, stopped off at Blimpy's subs because I was kinda hungry after all that mountain climbing and chiseling, and was getting ready to deliver Gods laws to a crowd of onlookers, when someone from the crowd shouted out, "DAMN, MOSES! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JEW? YOU'RE SO JEWISH THAT YOU'RE LKIE A JEW WHO DOES JEWEY THINGS SUCH AS THOSE JEW TYPE THINGS THAT JEWS DO BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL JEWISH JEWS!" I could not deny it then and I cannot deny it now. You have unshrouded me. Here I was trying so hard to give the impression that I was Mormon, yet you shattered all my plans. Curse you and your clarity! My plan would have worked perfectly, had it not been for you meddling kids!

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In reference to my Pizza Vs Jesus page

From : "dbrown0966" <dbrown0966@charter.net>
To : <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
Subject : Pizza VS Jesus
Date : Tue, 18 Nov 2003 23:00:40 -0500

1. Jesus did not make his followers wear any certain type of clothing it is a reflection of the traditional dress of people and the respected elders in communities that date far back in time.

2. Pizza does make a delicious meal but it would be complete w/o Jesus who says (John 6:35 if you know how to look something up in the Bible) I am the Pizza of life he who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in me will never go thirsty

3A. When has Jesus made you feel guilty? Nope sorry….Jesus does not fill people with guilt. The morals and values that the society (which in some cases may include religious teachings) and family have instilled in us create a feeling of guilt when we go against what we feel is right or wrong. (ie sleep with a best friends girlfriend)

3B. But when we do things that are are wrong or hurtful to others and we are guilty and sorry and regretful, Jesus FORGIVES and Forgets. Therefore he releases us from any guilt we may be feeling.

Jesus says nothing about refraining form self-defense and allowing an attacker to hurt us…you have completely twisted the meaning of that

Jesus wants you to enjoy “tangy… tomato sauce and imported Italian sausage” Not only on earth but in heaven…THAT IS FOREVER….

Children love Jesus, and Jesus loves them. (haven’t you ever heard that song called Jesus loves me) Jesus would NEVER harm any child. When a child looks to Jesus, they are assured that Jesus will take care of them and offer them loads of love and pizza, and would never tie them up with duct tape, have a “secret time,” and threaten to excommunicate them if they ever tell anyone.

But if a persons ancient instincts tell them it is rewarding to duck-tape a child down and rape him, Jesus will be there for that child to make it through and to bear his pain and suffering as he bore the cross. He will also forgive the rapist and give him the chance of new life because he has that much mercy and love.

Sometimes there are no phones in reach sometimes the line goes dead Jesus is always there closer than a phone call away. I do not know anyone who has had a conversation or “seen” God or Jesus..things like this seemed to stop after the coming of Christ. So yes people who have convos with Jesus generally are insane but that does not mean that you connot “know” Jesus and love him and feel like you are “in touch” with him in some way.

I enjoyed your humorous cynicism but felt that these arguments had to be refuted mostly b/c it was a good way to procrastinate and put off doing my homework…I definitely don’t know what the hell you are trying to say in your last rectangle so I wont even say anything…

LASTLY. You cannot compare an inanimate object to any living being or God

In conclusion Pizza is great but is nothing without the love of Christ for it is better to have skimpy veggies and a loving family and a relationship with Christ than it is to have a massive collection of pizza coupons….

Though I frequently must restrain myself from kicking your ass...have faith b/c Jesus still loves you (though I don't know why he would...but it's true ask and you shall recieve pick up the phone and he shall answer...)

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : dbrown0966@charter.net
Subject : Re: Pizza VS Jesus
Date : Fri, 28 Nov 2003 02:18:24 -0500 (EST)

1. I'm happy to know that it was not an imaginary entity, but simply, people's bad taste that decided that church officials should dress like cartoon characters.

2. After drinking from a bottle labeled "Drink Me," Alice spake,"What a curious feeling! I must be shutting up like a telescope!" And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high. and her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely garden.

3. The Supreme Holy Text of [-+] has a code of ethics that much more closely reflects natural human instinct than the annoying deviance from natural behavior deemed essential by the Bible, thus no feelings of guilt arise from acts which the Bible deems unforgivable. From the Negative Testament, Book of Hamtarochrist, Verses 14-21: "(14) The guy came down from the chick's apartment and said unto his friends, (15)'Ahoy, dudes. For two hours and also forty five minutes have I shagged raw the girl with whom you saw me last at the night club. She lies now asleep and fulfilled, (16) her belly full of margaritas and my gooey fluids. (17) Her breast was full and her skin was smooth and her screams kicked ass, but LO! I am very tired from having done this feat and require sustenance (18) that (19) I may prevent a hangover on yon morning which even now threatens to leap over the horizon and blast my retinas with a flood of painful glare (20) . (21)' The friends doubted his words and bade him prove the acts he described to be true, and they did smell his fingers, and it was good." See, in the book of [-+], no wrong was committed by having fun. Thus, no forgiveness is needed. This is because the writer of the book of [-+] didn't want to use his book to control millions of people against their wills in exchange for imaginary protection and a neverending life that isn't real. He wants people to know that sex rocks and that there's no need to wager half of your possessions to get it, the way you would with marriage.

The protagonist from the fictitious Bible said, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." I'd like to know how anyone who knows how to read could claim that that means anything but an order to be passive. By striking contrast, the Supreme Holy Text of [-+] says, "Thou shalt not constantly begin sentences with conjunctions like "and" and "but," as used in half of the sentences in that lame Bible thing, because that is extremely bad English. If someone hits you in the cheek, you should hit him in the nose or the eye because that hurts a whole lot more and will make the guy's eyes water so he can't see as well, thus facilitating further strikes to his face. After the first ten or so punches, your knuckles won't really hurt anymore, rather, they will tingle and get numb so you can continue punching the guy until the cops arrive, at which point, you put your bloody hands in your pockets and quietly blend into the crowd as you calmly walk away."

Jesus wants to hang out with me forever and ever and ever and ever? WOW! Tell me another story, Daddy! Read "Green Eggs and Ham" again! That one's the BEST! "Forever" is an imaginary amount of time for people whose belief systems are based on imaginary concepts.

Of COURSE children love Jesus. Children also love Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Mother Goose, The Tooth Fairy, Barney, Elmo and Mickey Mouse. By all accounts, they love kids right back. Children love all of these imaginary entities because they are naive and easily tricked. Their imaginations are as real to them as the physical world around them, thus making them able to feel love, hate, fear, longing, etc. for people, things and places that do not actually exist. While this is endearing and cute in children, it's scary in adults. Thanks for your reassurance that any pain and suffering that I endure in my life is taken on by an invisible man that lives in the sky. That's relieving to think that I'm not only suffering, but that I also have delusions about having an imaginary friend. That's a relief!

How is having a relationship with someone a huge leap from talking to them? What's so different? When I call up the pizza guy, we establish a relationship. We understand what the other wants and agree to provide. "Large with pepperoni and extra cheese?That'll be $14.50." Saying that you know and have a relationship with an entity that you have absolutely no REAL way of communicating with (praying = talking to yourself), whose wants can only be guessed at, who has been dead for 2000 years if he was ever really alive at all is insane. Not only that, but he came here claiming to be the spokesman for an imaginary entity, God. So not only are Christians deluded for believing that they're supported and loved by a dead guy, the guy in question was out of his fucking mind. I tend not to put a lot of stock in the ramblings of long-dead madmen.

On a side note, and I know this sounds pretty farout, when you say "lastly," it means "this is the last thing." Saying "lastly" is pretty hilarious when you follow it up with two more paragraphs, particularly when one of them begins with "in conclusion," and even IT isn't the conclusion. Lastly... In Conclusion... In closing... To sum up... Finally... I'd just like to finish by saying... BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

I'm happy that you restrain yourself from kicking my ass, because making the effort of figuring out who I am and where I live and making travel arrangements to get all the way to my place to cause me physical harm would prove that you're even more unbalanced mentally than someone who feels like his best friend is an imaginary being. When I pick up the phone, I hear a dial tone. "Hey God, can you hear me now?" I have the pizza place on speed dial. By contrast, God must have an unlisted number.

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From : "Jason Coatta" <jayhey59@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Your website is sick
Date : Tue, 28 Oct 2003 21:23:26 -0800

There's a lot of ignorant people out there, but you certainly take the cake!

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : jayhey59@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Your website is sick
Date : Wed, 29 Oct 2003 09:10:33 -0500 (EST)

What kind of cake? I like German Chocolate. It's rich and tasty. Mmmmmm, cake!

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From : "Jason Coatta" <jayhey59@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Your website is sick
Wed, 29 Oct 2003 18:36:59 +0000

Congratulations on helping to give the U.S. a bad rep all over the world! Go to other foreign countries and yell out that you are from the U.S. Count how many times you get beaten up/mugged/insulted, and report back to me.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : jayhey59@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Your website is sick
Date : Wed, 29 Oct 2003 17:12:54 -0500 (EST)

But... but... YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION! WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE? Don't taunt me like this! You can't just put cake under my nose and then yank it away like a Newfoundlander whips a baby harp seal away from its mother before skinning it alive. That's just uncouth.

Finish what you were saying about the cake, goddamnit!

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From: "Jason Coatta" <jayhey59@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Your website is sick
Date : Wed, 29 Oct 2003 16:36:19 -0800

You tell me what kind of cake it is. You took it! You probably ate the whole thing for a midnight snack and then waddled back to bed because you can't bend your knees because you're too fat.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : jayhey59@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Your website is sick
Date : Wed, 29 Oct 2003 22:24:14 -0500 (EST)

Yes, obviously, the fact that I'm 6% more than the ideal weight for my height makes me a billowing vat of tallow: a walking, talking 75 gallon garbage bag of shapeless, lumpy, jiggling shortening.

In response to one of your earlier points, I wouldn't scream out where I was from, because taking pride in where fate decided to dump you at birth is pretty stupid. Also, Canadians only scream and wave flags to tell people where they're from to announce that they aren't Americans, which is exactly what they look and sound like, although Americans have figured out that mullet haircuts glare of white trash. "HEY, EVERYBODY! I'M CANADIAN!" Whether you relaize it or not, their response is, "Huh? Uhh... So?"

I guess it's natural for Canadians to hate the US. When I think of what I hate, I think of my landlord, the phone company, my job, the bank, the grocery store, etc. Similarly, Canada hates us for being that to which they owe their safe, prosperous existence, and that with which they have no choice but to deal, just like the phone company, your job, etc. It hurts knowing that you owe your asses to us, I suppose. I guess I can't blame you for being bitter about it. It's sort of like a binary star system. The weaker star gets whipped around at the whims of the stronger until it is eventually either completely absorbed or slung out into empty space, but it's never really the master of its own destiny. Hang on tight, little Gamma Cephei B! If you're lucky, someday we might make you the 86th state.

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From : Bob carpenter <racyy@yahoo.com>
To : deleted@hotmail.com, deleted@aol.com, deleted@hotmail.com, deleted@kent.edu, deleted@stratos.net, deleted@tmgmt.com, deleted@nhdallas.com, deleted@GameShowNetwork.com, deleted@hotmail.com, deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@hotmail.com,deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@aol.com, deleted@yahoo.com, deleted@juno.com, deleted@aol.com
CC : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : i know this is really long...but
Date : Sun, 10 Aug 2003 17:01:52 -0700 (PDT)

What's up with the "Thank you for buying a quarter of a billion guns in America"

Are you from this country? Do you realize that because of guns and men and women, long dead and not yet born, have given and will protect with their lives, you're right to create a really great site with alot of great perspective? I'd say obviously not, but I'll cut you some slack to let you think about it. And, if you really have a demeaning attitude about guns, I pose this thought to you because it's the GREAT U.S.A., at least where my computer resides.

HOW DO YOU WANT YOU'RE HOT LEAD? Actually in your head for under $.20 American (if your not American, consider how much money and lives came from AMERICANs for you to have this possibility, give aid to other people( oh wait, why do we send money to starving people in other countries, but tell our own starving people to STARVE, because that's our right!!!!, wrong as it might be, OK very wrong, but a right. We elected all these screw balls who do this shit, SO WE ALL TAKE THE BLAME -- Don't like it? Don't Vote? Know people who don't vote?, AHHHH, now you see the work of TRUE AMERICANS AND TRUE PATRIOTS) or in some other fucks head trying to take away the very things that gave you the right to post your thoughts for the world to see?

Think About, that's all I ask. It's your RIGHT, BY BLOODSHED and DEATH!(Either your own patriots or someone elses') Get it? Or are you one of those you conveniently slam what suits you on this page?

And if you think taking away guns makes things better, man you got alot of fucking sunshine you need to find! Believe me, if guns ever get outlawed in the great USA. then I WILL BE A CRIMINAL, because:

1. You have NO RIGHT, to be on my property! Take it! or Harm it in any way

2. You have no right to endanger my well being, limbs, property, children(ooh, children, most of us would take great pride in ending these type of peoples live with our BARE HANDS), friends, neighbors, PATRIOTS. You harm one of the above, in the presence of a PATRIOT(and in other situations), then take your chances. Alot of us gun buying BABY BOOMERs and their children (ME) are really good shots! Especially with shotguns, and for all you criminals out there, shotguns only require knowing the general direction of you're assaillant..I.E lots of hot lead spraying your way equals alot of hurt or death!!!. And we have alot of ammo, you can buy shotgun shells by lots of 100 for a very good price at WALMART(thy're everywhere).

3. Every one says "Make sure you dont't shoot him in the back as he trying to leave". B U L L S H I T ! ! ! I will shoot any "thug" in his forehead or the back of it, to keep him from leaving with MY SHIT, MY DAUGHTER, MY WIFE(even my ex, she's still a human being), or MY LAWNMOWER, or do I really need to spell this out!! The Rock, from the earth I dug it out of, that makes my lanscaping take the cake.

I think I made my point. Peace be with you!

Bob

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : racyy@yahoo.com
Subject : Re: i know this is really long...but
Date : Mon, 11 Aug 2003 02:50:24 -0500 (EST)

I like the way you sent your email to everyone in the Western Hemisphere. No doubt they all think you're a REAL MAN now. I guess you need something to feel big and bad about. Out-macho-ing the guy from -+.org makes you look really tough. No, really. So in response to your cookie-cutter rambling paranoid Militia Manifesto, I'll counter a few of your basic points.

First off, the whole "where do I get off making the arguments I feel like making" thing is completely moot. It's MY page, that I pay for with MY money, hence, if I feel like saying anything about anything, that's my business. If it's not Bill O'Reilly's job to show both sides of an argument on a news channel, then it sure as hell isn't my duty on a private noncommercial website. And you can drop the "heroic patriot defending your rights" thing because it's crystal clear that you would never even pretend to defend my right to say what I want anyway. You'd only defend the rights of people with whom you AGREED, period. The mere suggestion that I should be careful what I say knocks that little halo of your head, Cap'n America. I'm from New York City, by the way, and was born and raised in the US. Does that make my opinion more valid? Would I not have a right to my opinions about the US if I was observing it from the safety of another Western Country?

Does Japan have Columbine-like shootings? Does England? Does Canada? Australia? Does ANYONE have gun violence as bad as the US? The whole world sees us as crime-ridden. What's the difference between them and us? They all get exposure to the same media we do, so you can't really blame violent TV or video games or creepy music. What do we have that they don't? Oh yeah! I almost forgot! We've got a quarter of a billion guns! So the "bad, bad criminals" who are going to do nasty things to you and your loved ones are armed to the teeth with guns that they either bought legally, or snagged from under YOUR mattress. That's right. Legal registered owners of guns GET ROBBED. I know it's hard to imagine that not every gun owner is present to heroically blow away the "evil-doers" (thank you, GWB) when they get robbed, and inadvertently end up SUPPLYING guns to criminals. You're a hero! 14 year old inner city kids are toting modern firearms that they got from nice suburban homes, JUST LIKE YOURS! Maybe if you're lucky, the little guy won't use it in an armed robbery, and instead will sell it to a pawn shop so he can buy some clothes since his parents can't afford to buy him any.

I particularly like how you romanticize about how you want to blow hot death through people, as though you're praying the opportunity arises. It's like listening to the masturbational fantasies of a psychopath who'd sell his soul just to have the opportunity to murder someone and get away with it, because, "HEY! HE STEPPED ON MY LAWN!"

Spend more time reading and less time watching "COPS" and "America's Most Wanted" on TV. That stuff will rot your mind. With any luck it will also lower your sperm count.

News images of the "armed populaces" of places like Liberia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Niger, Palestine, Somalia, etc. don't even sink in, do they?

[-+]

From : racyy@yahoo.com
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: i know this is really long...but
Date : Mon, 11 Aug 2003 04:45:47 -0700 (PDT)

So, you missed the point and really just like to turn every point of view you don't like into a personal attack. I guess that's why you have the whole hatemail link, for more ammunition.

Oh, And I don't watch much TV, and I definately don't watch cops, or much of the news.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : racyy@yahoo.com
Subject : Re: i know this is really long...but
Date : Mon, 11 Aug 2003 09:48:12 -0500 (EST)

Effectively countering your points isn't a personal attack. If I had intended to rip you on a personal basis, I would have laid into your horrendous spelling and grammar.

Watching the news more often might help you see life on the outside of your NRA slogan bubble that blinds you from reality. It seems to me that forming such deep, unbending opinions on things like violent crime in America should be formed on the basis of facts, not some dumb imagined notion that you've been fed by people pushing an agenda. The news isn't perfect, but it's a lot less biased than some right winger gun lobby, whose hymn book you're obviously well familiar with.

[-+]

I'm sorry, but I can't understand you. I only effectively read and write in English, and your email was very evidently written in some other language. If you could tell me what language this email was written in, maybe I can find a translator online.

[-+]

From : "Tom Corleone" <kalibur_x@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: chill
Date : Wed, 16 Jul 2003 17:47:59 +0000

dude fuck you, you just sayin that shit cuz u no i'm right, your such a fuckin child

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : kalibur_x@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: chill
Date : Wed, 16 Jul 2003 17:23:43 -0500 (EST)

Ok, I was able to acquire a copy of the Moron/Ebonics/Netspeak to English dictionary, but it's the 1998 edition, so you'll have to bear with me. From what I can tell, you stacked three sentences together as a run-on, dropped a linking verb, used "no" as a verb of some sort, and used the possessive form of "you" to mean "you are." Sorry, but I still can't understand what you mean, as I only understand Real English. Maybe I need to get the newest edition of this dictionary to compensate for the increased degradation of the English language, but you could be helpful by not intentionally pushing the envelope as to how far from correct your writing could be.

Drop me an email when your spinal cord reattaches itself to your brain stem.

[-+]

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : briarsequinox@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: Hatemail for you
Date : Mon, 14 Jul 2003 17:20:24 -0500 (EST)

So this is the result of all your hard work. I've noticed that you and your little forum buddies fumed over my page all afternoon today, and I must say that there could be no greater compliment to my writing than several people devoting hours to compose and edit an email in retort, although, judging by the fact than you've made 4918 posts to an online forum about politically correct children's books, I might guess that you have little else to do with your time.

So this is my intellectual "ass kicking?" Do you not find it as ironic as I do that several people had to collaborate to contend with one person intellectually? How many IQ points do you think you pooled amongst yourselves, only to produce an email that is a carbon copy of about 60% of the emails I get on a daily basis? By the way, "their" means "belonging to they." You used "ass" singularly. Several people cannot own one ass. Since we're on the topic of intellect, I thought I'd point out some basics of pronoun agreement, an aspect of literacy that has apparently eluded you. Oh, and thank you so much for not resorting to the use of "swear words." Goodness knows that avoidance of those certain special words denotes absolute superiority in every regard. When painting, I say, "AVOID BLUE! Your canvas will glow with the pure radiance of direct emotion-to-vision transferal of the deepest wellsprings of your soul as long as you avoid that one special color." Curse words are just words. By the way, "ass" is considered one of them. Oh, and please ask your friend Sivvus when "Canadian" was designated a race. I never received a memo.

While I'm flattered that my writing was effectual enough to waste hours of your day, you'll have to forgive me if I do not return the favor. I would find it far more amusing to have you look back on how you utilized your time today, with one further piece of information: I do not dislike Canada. While I have no ill will at all towards Canadians, I find a great amusement in making simple people go into conniptions with little provocation.

Ciao,
[-+]

I used my magic meat wand of clairvoyant spooge. Now iron my shirt, moron.

From : "Lyndsay Grado" <grado_lyndsay@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject:
Date : Mon, 30 Jun 2003 02:10:26 -0600

Your whole site is pretty gay and not worth talking about but I just wanna point out a thing about hockey. You and the rest of America say "American teams are better than Canadian teams" and "When's the last time a Canadian team won the stanlet cup"? Holy fuck, I can't STAND it when you ppl say that. THINK about it moron!! Canadians play for American teams. When's the last time an Americans LEAD an American team to the cup. Jesus christ! You know that there's one Canadian who plays for Detroit and that's that dickface Cehlios. (I supose your gonna tell me Hull's American). And New Jersey won the cup this year cause they have gods like Brodeur and Neuwindyk and Neidenmyer.
Fuck you're dumb. You are so so so dumb. Canada is the best damn country in the world. You fucking Americans think you're the best becuase you have lots of money right? Money doesn't buy the world's best contry, that's why countries like us and Norway (fuck..) have been voted above you each year in the World Nations. I could say a whole lot of mean shit about America to you but hey I'm not gonna waste my time because you're probably some 30 year old retard who has no life (I mean c'mon, POOP on Canada?... my ass could tell a better joke than that!!) Every point on your site, I could turn it around in relates to America and it'd be waaaaay worse. But like I said, I'm not wasting my time with a loser like you. Fag.


P.S. Please tell all of America to stop telling us all about your army and shit. "yeah we have a huge ass army look at us we're big and powerful". Look loser it's nothing to brag about that you start wars and shit. Just thought I'd say that... :)

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!! AND LOOK OUT FOR PLANES!! ;)

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :grado_lyndsay@hotmail.com
Subject : Re:
Date : Mon, 30 Jun 2003 23:55:32 -0500 (EST)

Yeah, my site sucks, and isn't worth talking about, hence you wrote a windy diatribe about it.

It's funny to me that your main point of attack was sports. You don't think about much else, do you? Sports are pretty inconsequential, hockey especially. Put your encyclopedic knowledge of hockey on a job application sometime and see how much sports matter. I mentioned hockey on my site simply because I knew it would hurt. It's like killing Lenny Smalls' puppy; a little thing that dumb people think is of life and death importance. So you've lost the Stanley Cup ten years in a row. Sour grapes. Don't spin into a bitter tirade. Don't cry and don't make excuses. If some American teams have Canadians on them, what does that say about Canada? Maybe if Canada was a worthwhile country, their hockey players might have enough pride in it to play for Canadian teams. The funny thing about you losing the Stanley Cup is that you lost it to a country that essentially doesn't even care if we won it or not. You've lost it for ten years to a country where most people couldn't name more than two or three hockey players at best. For you to refer to guys who scoot a little chunk of plastic around with a stick as "gods" is laughable and sad. Your god standards are pretty low. Do you bow before the cashier at Tim Hortons when he gets your order right? Am I going to nitpick over specific hockey players to prove which ones are and aren't Canadians? That would kinda kill the whole "who gives a rat's ass about hockey" premise.

Yeah, I'm pretty dumb, and also dumb. I'm so so so so so so so so dumb and dumbly dumb that it's like I'm some dummy who's so dumb that he's dumb... and also dumb. There's this really cool book out that you might have heard of called a Thesaurus. Check it out. It's interesting. It might help your writing sound less dumb and gay and also dumb.

I'm not familiar with the organization, The World Nations, that you mentioned. Is that anything like The United Nations? Also, how, if you're going to cite the UN, which consistently ranks Norway and Sweden better than you, can you say that you're the best? "Best" and "Better" aren't the same thing. If you're in third place, you aren't the best, by definition. Granted, that may have slipped by you since you're very evidently functionally illiterate, as demonstrated by your stunted vocabulary, rampant misspelling and nearly complete disregard for basic grammatical rules. In fact, judging by the fact that you voice a disdain for people over 30 and use the words "fag," "gay" or "dumb" more often than most people use the word "and," I would guess you're about 14 years old at most, and hence, know fuck-all about anything.

Where would your precious standard of living be if the US withdrew all its businesses and stopped buying your exports? Think you could survive with your country's economy at 1/3 of its present standing? Right now the Canadian Dollar is worth 74 cents US. How would your mommy put food on the table if it were worth 24 cents US? Face facts. We could scrape by without you, but you'd be a Third World Country without us. Your economy would be completely fucked for decades if something like 9/11 happened to you, but we're already springing back, even with the economic burden of fighting two wars in less than two years (neither of which I supported).

Good thing you didn't waste any time on a loser like me, because... oh... uhh.. wait. You kind of did.

Have a wonderful day, basking in the bliss of ignorance, and look out for our "huge-ass" army.

-+

I'm really sorry you didn't like my site. Maybe I was aiming too close to the base. Obviously an intellectual such as yourself, who sees the truth about America with your utter clarity, would find my writing a bit simplistic. Even as we speak, I am hypocritically sneaking a Molson Golden that I have poured into a Sam Adams bottle to keep my Daddy/Brother/Uncle from seeing me drinking vastly superior Canadian beer from across the single room of our shack which we have constructed entirely out of scrap lumber. I actually made the site out of jealousy because when I'm in the plains states and the entire sky is covered in opaque brown smoke that reeks of ammonium chloride and blots out the sun, I think, "Man! I wish I wasn't so inbred so I could move to Winnipeg or maybe Newfoundland where all the cool people are. I wish I could fit in, but since I correctly use 'your' meaning 'belonging to you,' and not 'you are,' I'd stick out like a sore thumb."

Be sure to write back with some other incredibly insightful remark like, "your gay."

Kisses, -+

From : "John Earle" <johnearle808@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : "not" SO PISSED OFF CANADIAN
Date : Thu, 13 Mar 2003 12:56:32 -0330

Hey, nice get up. GAY LORD. So, just talking to you one on one, huh? Oh yeah. cool. Hey, I just made this message to see if this REALLY works. You over weight, fat ass loser. Hey, drop me a line or two. johnearle808@hotmail.com. I don't really have much against you turds, You know, just gets cought up in the moment. Thats all, I promise, you shit eating, ass sucking, cock jerking, gooch licking, homo.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : johnearle808@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: "not" SO PISSED OFF CANADIAN
Date : Thu, 13 Mar 2003 19:18:15 -0500 (EST)

Yes, this new thing called "e-mail" is an amazing thing. You just send it, and it gets to the recipient in mere seconds.... LIKE MAGIC. Wow! If the Post Office gets wind of this revolutionary breakthrough, they'll be fuming! By the way, you didn't need to put your "e-mail" address in the message body, since one fascinating thing about "e-mail" is that it attaches the return address automatically. Neat, huh! One day in the distant future, "e-mail" may be used to facilitate business communications and may even become simple enough that your average illiterate cretin will be able to send messages to friends with ease, or even write irate, incoherent, homophobic banter to people who run webpages that he isn't quite bright enough to comprehend. The possibilities are limitless when you use futuristic technologies like "e-mail."

Rumor has it that deep in a secret underground government bunker somewhere in Colorado, they're developing another technology called "Spell-Check." They say that this powerful technology can correct the spelling of even the most idiotic morons. One day, it may be the case that NOBODY will need to know how to use written language correctly. Will it ever become a replacement for education? Only time will tell. Imagine the possibilities if "Spell-Check" was used in tandem with "E-Mail."

Hopefully, one day, little John, they may even develop technology to help you write emails that make valid points based on facts and relevance, in proper sentences, with subjects, predicates and correct punctuation. This would effectively prevent the embarrassment of sending emails such as the one you sent me, which was nothing more than disjointed gibberish and impertinent name-calling. Technology may yet find help for you.

Maybe it's just a dream of mine.

-+

(Note: This guy then sent me 14 more emails that were about as long as the one above and hit my guestbook several dozen times. I would have put them all here, but they were easily as disjointed, if not moreso, and that gets old. You get the point. Plus, why give this guy more space to do more of the same?)

From : "steve aston" <forcanada_40@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : (none)
Date : Mon, 03 Mar 2003 04:35:57 +0000

you can hate canada all you want ..no one gives a shit..
you know what though? Americans are the most hated people on the planet and that is a fact...US no doubt is the greatest country in the world, economically, socially or anyother aspect you might think of..but it has all come together at the expense of starvation,physical and psychological torture, and murder of millions and millions of poor children, women and innocent souls in every single country on the face of this earth. So if you actually have a conciounce left, which i find hard to believe, think about that when you eat your greasy cheeseburger at your neighbourhood Mcdonnald in your SUV. I do undrestand why you think the way you do..you never had a chance, American media doesnt give a chance to anybody born in the states to actually have an opinion of his/her own..despite what you think .freedom of choice is not to choosing to drink red bull or not ...its the freedom to have access to all the information and deciding for yourself.....they bombard you with 'America the great" all day long.from age 0 to 60 .no wonder you hate everything and everyone because they dont do it the "AMERICAN" way. In the end, i just want to say that i feel terribly sorry that in this day and age people still write hate mail or have hate website. i feel sorry for me cause i have a midterm tomorow and here i am writting this email....i wont waste anymore time ....if you are reading this i would love to hear back from you..so drop me a line. ..maybe we can even chat sometime...if you think you have what it takes to have an intelligent conversation.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To : forcanada_40@hotmail.com
Subject : Re:
Date : Mon, 04 Mar 2003 10:22:34 +0500

I seriously hope, for your sake, that all of your midterms are for math, chemistry, physics, and other classes that don't require a lot of writing. With grammar and spelling like yours, I don't think you'd fare well on written exams. As for your contention about my conscience (correct spelling)... See, as a patriot, this may be a difficult concept for you to grasp, but I consider myself an individual before I consider myself part of America. This prevents me from lapping up everything that Lil' George says, and keeps me thinking objectively. How am I responsible for the actions of upper class business and government leaders? When your rich businessmen are considering a trade agreement, do you get a letter in the mail asking if it's ok. Do they get your permission first? See, in the US they don't do that, so I don't see why I should feel personally responsible when big business is unscrupulous. It's far out of the range of my influence. Is Joe Blow on the street calling the shots from his hot-dog stand in East York Toronto? If he's not, then why would it press on his conscience? What can I do about it personally? Start a revolution against the establishment? No Thanks. I saw how McVeigh and Kazcinski turned out. I know how that story ends. I prefer to be alive to enjoy my crappy country.

I have to ask something. How are we psychologically torturing people? Are we sending people abroad to give poor third worlders the willies? Do we have guys out there confusing foreigners with Three Card Monty? "Hey, Ahmed! You want this ice cream cone, don't ya? Here. Take it..... PSYCH!!" "CURSE YOU, AMERICAN PIGDOG! YOU HAVE DEFEATED ME AT 'ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS' YET AGAIN!"

I particularly like your use of the words "children," "women," and "innocent." They're the dramatic emotional response triggers that people always throw around when they're trying to emphasize helplessness. Personally, I don't consider women helpless, and don't much care for people, women included, who do. As for "innocence," it's pretty simple: NOBODY IS. Children? Welcome to the anthill of overpopulation. 6.5 billion humans live on this planet. Estimates point towards 12 billion in less than 50 years. What's one or two brats, more or less? Your "innocent women and children" thing may hold water with Sally Struthers, but not with me. Incidentally, I wonder how many hundreds of gallons she could hold.

As for my choice of car and food, all I can say is, freedom of choice is an amazing thing. Incidentally, the only cars I've owned were four cylinder economy cars, and I sold my last one in favor of public mass transit. Also, McDonalds is the most successful restaurant chain in Canada by a long stretch. Chew on that, Mister National/Personal Conscience. You can say, "But I don't eat at McDonalds." Well I don't drive an SUV. Assumptions weaken your arguments.

As far as your statements about the mass media, I'm way ahead of you. I hate the American Media more than you could possibly imagine. But there's one edge that they have over Canada's Media. In Canada, they force radio and TV stations to play a certain percentage of Canadian-Made content or they can't be licensed to broadcast. That's propaganda and censorship in their purest forms, if you ask me. They define the percentage as "in no case less than predominant use." In other words, they have to play MOSTLY Canadian stuff, or the government will yank their permits to broadcast ANYTHING. Our stations can play whatever they want, regardless of national origin. By the way, a certain percentage of your taxes go towards Canadian TV. Wow! What a great system! I'm sure that your media has in no way colored your opinions. http://www.crtc.gc.ca/eng/cancon/mandate.htm

Nah - I don't hate Canada. But, you definitely gave a shit, or you wouldn't have written an email in the midst of your midterm studying.

-+

Having browsed through most parts of your site I am sad and overwhelmed. (That couldn't possibly be the purpose of all your work!) You lash out in all directions with your hate towards the world. Unfortunately I have to correct you as well... To correctly quote you I am using your so hated copy/paste function, copying from your own website: "If you're going to bitch about porn, why not focus on a country who's main national export is porn... like Sweden?"
Swedens main exports are cars, telecomproducts and medicine (Feb 2002)... Are you trying to provoke swedes with that comment? Looking at your short films of your cat, I was bored and started wondering; is this your attempt on modern art or were you just high on LSD?

I find your website omnipotent and narcissistic, and that is not really you. Is it? If so,why are you so angry? Who hurt you so bad that you have to make sure everyone else is angry too? You have obviously pissed off a lot of people so much that they feel they have to cuss at you too... What you then do is paste their e-mails on your website (not very original I might add) and hurt them even more.

Would a simple "I'm sorry that i offended you with my obscure sence of humor" on your site hurt so much?

Nikki

p.s. You might consider changing your e-name to Simply Negative. ;-)

From: negativepositive@hotmail.com
To: darling-nikki@spray.se
Subject : Re: Simply sad
Date : Sat, 22 Feb 2003 14:18:45 -0500 (EST)

Right off the bat, I can see that my comment on Sweden probably colored your reaction to everything I wrote on the page, so I guess I'm not going to be able to patch it up with a simple email, so I may as well be honest. While I'm sure cars and Nokia phones bring your country more money, the fact of the matter is, Sweden is known world-round for its blonde girls and porn.

I know that this might come as a shock, but my main intent with the short films on my page was to HAVE FUN... you know... FUN.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fun
That should help explain things a bit. I know that to a humorless person, this might be difficult to comprehend, but sometimes people do things just to do them, and not necessarily as a result of the influence of any mind altering substance. Did you ever do something simply to have a reason to laugh?
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=laugh

As far as my website being "omnipotent" and "narcissistic," I think that: A.) You misused the word "omnipotent," since I'm not exactly able to create and destroy universes and rule the people of a million worlds with an iron fist, and B.) All writers have to be at least slightly narcissistic. While I'm definitely not in love with myself, it takes a certain type of self respect and confidence to write something and feel that it's worthy of being shown to others for their enjoyment or critique. That's what makes the difference between a writer and someone keeping a journal. It takes a small bit of narcissism to be able to decide that what you've written is good enough to be of value to other people who read it. If it's not, then you're just a lousy writer.

I do a fair amount of venting on my site, sure. Am I not allowed? Would George Carlin be funny if nothing bugged him? Would Hunter S. Thompson be fun to read if nothing agitated him? If I annoy people with my writing, that's fine. They can go to http://www.hellokitty.com/ and never come back, for all I care. A website that is to a large extent about pranks and satire SHOULD piss a few people off. If everyone in the world was happy and gleeful as a result of my site, I'd say that would make me a pretty lousy satirist, no? I get enough of a positive response from enough intelligent people that I can have fun writing despite the people frothing at the maw like devolved monkeymen because they read something that got under their skin. I'm not here to pull the thorns out of these people's paws. I'm here to replace them with 00-guage woodscrews. Pain makes species evolve. I'm just helping to oil the wheels.

There is a motto that I have lived by for years. "Never Apologize For Your Art." I think that pretty much sums it up.

-+

RE: your P.S. - If that's all you saw, you didn't get it.

(Side note: Ericsson is actually from Sweden, while Nokia is from Finland. Wow! I guess my whole point was lost there. Thanks for emailing me to tell me so, Helle. Happy to see that you still totally missed the point. She also made sure to reinforce her misuse of the word "omnipotent," saying basically that she can use it to mean megalomaniacal, when that isn't what it means - you know - just because she feels like it. That's fine. Language is flexible. I'm gonna use the word "Dog" to mean "Capriciously," and then correct people when they call me on it.)

From: negativepositive@hotmail.com
To: ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: how many times did i cut n paste in this email, and tell me what i said wrong...
Date : Wed, 19 Feb 2003 15:34:15 -0500 (EST)

Cutting and pasting as a means of expression is pretty sad. If you want me to read something that someone else wrote, send me a link and give credit where it's due. Don't be a plagiarist. Plagiarists are the lowest, slimiest "writers" in the world. If you don't have enough of a brain to come up with your own ideas, and instead need to rip someone else off to feel like you have a valid and intelligent point to make, expect me to point out your idiocy. The reason that the wording was so familiar is that about 100 canadians have already sent me that link as a "SO THERE" move.

Did I cry in school when my classmates cheated? No. Instead, I laugh when I turn them down for jobs as waiters and bus boys when they can't fill out their job applications without making glaring spelling mistakes.

Was I a nerd? If by "nerd" you mean someone who learned the curriculum and had a fighting chance of being reasonably successful in life, then yeah, I guess I was.

If you want to send me class projects to correct, I charge reasonable rates. Fifty dollars a page, single spaced. Forty, if I'm allowed to cackle at them and post them on my page.
By the way, "I before E, except after C, or when it sounds like A, as in 'neighbor' and 'weigh.'" It's spelled "their." Forty bucks, please... US funds. Pay via Paypal to the same email address.

-+

From: negativepositive@hotmail.com
To: c2rpf@unb.ca
Subject : Re: oh really
Date : Wed, 15 Jan 2003 14:32:24 -0500 (EST)

Judging by your spelling and grammar, I would suggest that you make fun of us for sports rather than education. I find it amusing that the route of attack you chose was derision of our educational system, while misspelling "sentences, fashion, impressed, disturbing, receive, laughed, wages, it's, century and foreign." You use completely sporadic capitalization, and use commas where you should use periods to end sentences and start new ones. I might also add that it's currently THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY, Copernicus.
You might also figure that one reason that I may not have mentioned American Education is that it's NOT a page about America. I suggest you brush up on your reading comprehension. Take this advice from me, a product of the American Public School System.

Could you give me the address of the University of New Brunswick Admissions Office? I gather it's pretty easy to get accepted.
-+

(He then pasted the ENTIRE contents of THIS site, since Canadians care about things like keeping track of what actors are Canadian, or were born in Canada, or once took a High School Trip to Canada - even if they were only in Canada for a weekend and only appeared in one movie of the week from 1974 that aired once on a Tuesday. Wow! This guy is smart and witty... Did I say Witty? I meant to say "WOW! THIS GUY IS A TOTALLY UNCREATIVE QUASI-LITERATE PLAGIARIST!")

you want to send pamela and neve back? are you gay?
i won't bother with musicians, unless you follow up on this and request it. (OH GOD! PLEASE NO! NO MORE COPYING AND PASTING OTHER PEOPLE'S ENTIRE WEBPAGES!) And yes, canada has appologized for brian adams and celine dion on several occasions. WE KNOW THEY SUCK ASS.
almost everything in your site is lame, trivial, and bullshit. Almost all of it doesn't concern everyone, and the rest is just bullshit. I don't know what you're talking about with the hatred towards america. duhhr we're on the same fucking continent, obviously our women wouldn't look better or worse. I have never heard this before. Any moron can pull up stereotypes on a countrie which are completely and obviously false. Good work, you are another moron.and if you do so choose to rip appart my spelling grammar and punctuation. go for it, waste some more time, i could care less, and by doing so you'll be proving me right. often when people are wrong they try to find flaws in others, no matter what they are, big or small (or absolutely glaring and colossal) have some fun.

From: negativepositive@hotmail.com
To: chiknimaeatu@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: About hate canada site
Date : Thu, 7 Jan 2002 20:38:49 -0500 (EST)

What's funny is you took me seriously. You took me seriously enough to write (or in many cases, I assume "paste") more than I wrote on the WHOLE CANADA PAGE. You, as many before you, have taken the bait: hook, line and sinker. I don't hate Canadians. I actually don't hate any people on any deep, mean-spirited level. However, I find perpetual amusement in the folly of nationalists, whether they're from Canada, the United States, Sudan, or wherever. I'm not laughing at Canada. I'm laughing at people who are proud to have the particular 96 square inches of soil under their feet that they do, instead of 243.84 square centimeters somewhere else. You said that all of my arguments were trivial, but apparently not trivial enough to resist addressing each one individually with as much venom as you could muster. Seeing as how all your arguments are aimed at the United States, and not me, I have to laugh even more. It might be a pretty foreign concept to you, and many proud patriots like you, but I'm an American... But I'm an Individual first. Contrary to the trite expression, it's not "Where You're From," or "Where You're At." It's WHAT YOU ARE... and you're a sucker.

smooches
-+

From : Scotty Ford <scottyfordy@yahoo.ca>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Funny Site
Date : Thu, 12 Dec 2002 01:57:00 -0500 (EST)

It's a funny site, I'll admit that. But you'd get a
lot less hate mail if you made more of your
information provided more factual, but then you might
loose the funny appeal of the site.

Anyways, your site is funny (like I said), but I hate
Americans and hope the entire contintental U.S. is
nuked into the stonage. The nuclear radiation will
turn the far north of Canada into prime farm land.
Fuck your country right in it's slut mastering ass.

Thanks!

-Scott

From: negativepositive@hotmail.com
To: scottyfordy@yahoo.ca
Subject : Re: Funny Site
Date : Thu, 12 Dec 2002 23:31:30 -0500 (EST)

Speaking of factual inaccuracies, you might want to do a bit more research on the effects of nuclear radiation before you invest in a tropical beach house in the Northwest Territories. A nuclear war that would put the US back in the stone age (stonage isn't a word, brainy) would most likely cause a global nuclear winter, and nuclear fallout isn't particularly good at growing vegetables. However, it seems to be quite good at growing cancer tumors to the size of nice ripe cantaloupes. Of course, the US could send Canada back to the stone age easily without using a single weapon. All we'd have to do is remove all our foreign investment. By the way, "loose" means "the opposite of tight." Canadians often comment on the supposed inaccuracy of the facts on my page, but never refer to anything specifically. Obviously, I use hyperbole on things like the US to Canadian dollar conversion with humorous intent, but I've never heard anyone directly specify anything else, which leads me to believe that I'm hitting close enough to the laughable truth that it triggers the old school yard"shut up- you're stupid" response. Is "slut mastering" the latest thing floating around Fark.com? Thankfully, they finally got bored with saying "ass-hat" on every third post.

Happy Kwanzaa,
negativepositive

i also reken that theres not one part of america that doesnt stand a reasonable chane of getting anhilated by some sort of natural disaster. if it isnt an earth quake, flood, cyclone, tornado, blizzard or a fire, it a tidal wave or a volcano. youd think that hawaii is the safest part...pity...untill it get rolled by a huge tidal wave sparked by a volcano.

so...yeah...FOR A COUNTRY THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE BLESSED BY GOD, HE SURE SEEMS TO BE TRYING AWFULLY HARD TO GET RID OF YOU.

peace...(if thats possible in america)

------

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Date : Thu, 28 Nov 2002 21:17:38 +1100

and i bet that you will not show my last letter on your site...due to the fact that it is true...well, i dare you too

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Thu, 28 Nov 2002 12:25:38 -0500

I suppose I'll give this my usual point / counterpoint, since you completely missed the joke, and instead opted to make a joke of yourself.

I am NOT a proud American. Part of the point of that page is the fact that Canada's like a sad spinoff of America's sad culture. So you missed the main intent from the start. I find Canada such an amusing country to rip on, due to the fact that they live practically identical lives to Americans, yet act as though they don't share a sliver of the same ideals or tastes, JUST TO FEEL DIFFERENT. If you think that the "Dumb Proud American" card is the most awesome attack in your hand, you're matched against the completely wrong opponent.

Ted Bundy had only 26 verified victims.

Aryan Nations, Heritage Front, the Ku Klux Klan, Canadian Liberty Net, Hammerskins and Church of the Creator are all active white hate groups in Canada. Europe has its fair share of racist groups too, so you can't exactly say that being racist is a patently American thing. I know that this might get in the way of you seeing things only the way you want to, but at most racist protests by white racist organizations, the racists are outnumbered about 50 to one by people screaming back telling them that they're complete dumbasses. Yes, I know that it's hard to believe the KKK is considered a fringe group in the US, but we aren't all retarded racists the way you WANT to think we are.

I know he has a very unusual and exotic name, but it's spelled "Timothy McVeigh."

By the way, Porn kicks ass. If you're going to bitch about porn, why not focus on a country who's main national export is porn... like Sweden?

Yeah. America is a terrible place to be. When I go to Wyoming, the crowds and pollution are overwhelming. Or when I'm in Oklahoma or Kansas, or Oregon, the crowds just seem to press in on me and crime is rampant. It's hard to feel safe in a place like America. After all, every single American is issued an assault rifle at birth and is then programmed by television to become a heartless killer.

I'm really sorry for being white. I know that's it was a terrible thing for me to do... you know.. being born to two caucasian parents. I know that being white instantly makes me a terrible person, and oppressor of other races, but I'll try hard to change the fact that I have a low amount of melanin in my skin. I guess it was just a terrible mistake for me to be born, and bring another white person into the US, instead of being born as one of the millions of non-whites. It's my fault, and I'm very ashamed of my non-minority-ness. I'm also very sorry for being rich, but then, we're ALL rich, right? Just like you said. If I had only tried not to advance in my job, by calling in hung-over, or slacking off, or yelling obscenities at my boss, or something, I wouldn't have the shame of living in the lap of luxury that is my two bedroom Bronx apartment.

So what's the nightlife like up there in Nuuk. Maybe you're right that many Americans aren't too familiar with Greenland's culture, but then, I guess that's because you seem to offer no cultural or industrial exports to the world whatsoever. I guess that's what happens when trying to stay warm takes up 80% of your time. The way I see it, living above the timber line is a choice. If your culture never spreads to actual INHABITED places, that's your fault, so stop being sour about it.

"Reckon," "There's," "Annihilated," "Until," "Gets:" More strange and exotic words.

I'm not afraid of your big imaginary friend in the sky. Whoops. Did you play the wrong card again? Better luck next time.

Of course, there is NO PEACE in America; only TURMOIL and WAR and DESTRUCTION. The whole time I've been writing this, I've been dodging bullets while being crushed by the crowd.

Well, Aaron, I have to go get back to being an evil white capitalist pig-dog. Be sure to make some more assumptions about me and DARE me to counter them again sometime. GASP! DARE! Wow - when you dared me, it totally filled me with FRIGHT and TERROR that I would be totally outmatched. By the way, unless you meant "dare me also," it's spelled "to," not "too."

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re:
Date : Fri, 29 Nov 2002 07:32:25 +1100

no mate....maybe you played the wrong card, im from australia and maybe thats where all the exotic words come from. see ya later my racist american mate, i hope th states isnt all like you. gotta agree with the gun thing, and is there really a shitload of poor people in the states too?

peace

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:08:22 -0500

Australia is a continent. By your standards, every piece of dry land on earth is an island. Greenland is considered the largest island. Also, I suppose maybe I should have used italics to denote sarcasm. Then maybe you wouldn't have come away from my email thinking I'm racist. You were the one who pointed out that America was full of "rich white people," so which of the two of us is racist?

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : how the fuck isnt australia the biggest island
Date : Wed, 04 Dec 2002 08:33:30 +1100

how the fuck isnt australia the biggest island you fucken wanker. and island is a peice of land that is totaly surounded by water. australia is a peice of land. australia is totaly surounded by water. i cannot simply fucking WALK to ameri-fucking-ca. i would have to take a fucking boat or plane. why? cos we are a fucking isalnd. and yes. we are also bigger than greenland, and yes you can be the worlds biggest island and a continent at the same time. put that on your fucking website to set it straight...

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Tue, 3 Dec 2002 19:34:42 -0500

By the way - if you're the largest island since you're entirely surrounded by water, then what is Antarctica, which is also surrounded entirely by water and is a larger land mass than Australia?

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re:
Date : Wed, 04 Dec 2002 11:35:52 +1100

antartictica is smaller than australia.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Tue, 3 Dec 2002 19:36:44 -0500

Australia: 7.6 million Sq km
Antarctica: 14.5 million Sq km

If you think that makes Australia bigger, then I suggest you enroll in the American Educational system.
I guess the point is moot since Australia is considered a CONTINENT, not an island. Are North America, South America, Eurasia and Africa islands? After all, there are canals that separate them from their nearest neighboring continents.

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Date : Wed, 04 Dec 2002 11:37:14 +1100

and is mainly ice and has small land mass

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Tue, 3 Dec 2002 19:38:38 -0500

If I didn't know better, I would say that was a lame attempt at an excuse to try to salvage your dignity

From : "aaron s" <ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re:
Date : Wed, 04 Dec 2002 12:04:03 +1100

no actually its a fact, but i can see that you are too narrow minded to acept it. what do they teach you in the school system there "i will serve my government like my God", and nothing about the rest of the world. but hey, its like they say. "dont argue with an ideot, they will only drag you down to thier level and bash you with experiance." well..your ideocy is sure as hell beating the crap outta me i reken. opps i said "reken" what an exotic word.

From : negativepositive@hotmail.com
To :ufarkenbewdy@hotmail.com
Date : Tue, 3 Dec 2002 20:08:31 -0500

"Idiot," "Accept," "Their," and "Experience" are apparently exotic words too. I have to laugh when someone tries to paint someone as being stupid and ends up proving his own stupidity in the process.
Also - If I hadn't made it clear enough already, in regards to your "government / god" assumption, I think I've made it glaringly obvious that I serve neither, but of course you WANT to think I do, since that's your own narrow minded image of every American. You're Irony-licious, Lil' Aaron!

From : "Matt Bobert" <d_pineapple@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : How's the rocker treating ya?
Date : Fri, 08 Nov 2002 22:21:40 -0330

Hey assface. First of all "assmilk" what the fuck do you drink Budweiser the best piss south of the border. Good to see your ability to get of your front porch rocking chair and stopped stroking your shot gun or cousin long enoug to make this shity site. Which brings about my question how's the rocker treating ya? your cousin giving you good toothless blowjobs while you stroke your shotgun while watching your 12 year old daughter's kids run around with no teeth or clothes while you sit around in your torn overalls. I see you don't like poutine at least there's one thing we probbaly agree on. But fuck you yanks need to learn respect for those who have kicked you ass in the past remember 1812 we burned your capital you didn't even come close to Ottawa. I seem to remember a little thing called Vimy Ridge you assfucks in the states couldn't take it and who did take i believ it was oh yes that's right the canadians NOT YOU!! So fuck off with your Canadian bashing.

From : "minus plus" <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
To :<d_pineapple@hotmail.com>
Subject : Re: How's the rocker treating ya?
Date : Sat, 09 Nov 2002 01:44:10 -0500

Since you evidently didn't ever have a 5th grade teacher to do this for you, I'll correct your essay and grade it using the same scale that my elementary school teachers used. Grammatical, spelling or factual errors count for five points off each. Actually, my teachers counted more than five points off for significant factual errors, but I'm one of those nice, easy teachers.

Hey<1. comma -5> assface. First of all <2. comma -5> "assmilk<3. You could put a comma here and make it a run-on sentence with broken syntax or you could put a period here and make it a sentence fragment. Either way, it's wrong. -5>" what the fuck do you drink <4. comma -5> Budweiser<4. comma -5> the best piss south of the border <5. Question punctuated with a period -5>. <6. It's -5> Good to see your ability to get of <7. off -5> your front porch rocking chair and stopped <8. stop -5> stroking your shot gun or cousin long enoug <9. enough -5> to make this shity <10. shitty -5> site. <11. You cannot begin a sentence with a conjunction. -5> Which brings about my question <12. Period / New Sentence -5> how's the rocker treating ya? <13. Is -5> your cousin giving you good toothless blowjobs while you stroke your shotgun while watching your 12 year old daughter's kids run <14. For children to RUN, they need to be about two years old, making a 12 year old mother of multiple running children biologically impossible. -5> around with no teeth or clothes while you sit around in your torn overalls <15. Question puctuated with a period -5>. I see you don't like poutine <16. Period / New Sentence -5> at least there's one thing we probbaly <17. probably -5> agree on <18. You cannot end a sentence in a preposition. -5>. <19. You cannot begin a sentence with a conjunction. -5> But fuck <20. comma -5> you yanks need to learn respect for those who have kicked you <21. your -5> ass <22. asses -5> in the past <23.Period / New sentence -5> remember 1812 <24. Question mark / New sentence -5> we burned your capital <25. The British, not the Canadians, burned Washington. -5> <26. Period / New sentence -5> you didn't even come close to Ottawa. I seem to remember a little thing called Vimy Ridge<27. Vimy Ridge was during WW1, not the war of 1812. -5> <28. Period / New sentence -5> you assfucks in the states couldn't take it <29. Period / New sentence / Scratch "and"-5> and who did take i <30. it -5><31. Question mark / New sentence. -5> <32. I -5> believ <33. believe -5> it was oh yes <34. comma -5> that's right <35. Phrase "oh yes, that's right" should be in parentheses -5> the <36. Capitalize proper nouns. -5> canadians <37.comma -5> NOT YOU!! So fuck off with your Canadian bashing.

This gives you a score of Negative Ninety Percent. I'm fairly sure that's an F even in Canada.

-+

From : "Matt Bobert" <d_pineapple@hotmail.com>
To : negativepositive@hotmail.com
Subject : Re: How's the rocker treating ya?
Date : Sat, 09 Nov 2002 15:33:46 -0330

I'm sorry i don't work with your stupid imperial system. By the way i saw an interesting documentary the other day on how to survive if your a brain dead hick. You should try and watch it. I think it could help you with cope with problems such as my 10 year old daughter's kid is a brat. Or my overalls are missing a button what can i do? This should be very informative for you.

From : "minus plus" <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
To :<d_pineapple@hotmail.com>
Subject : Re: Re: How's the rocker treating ya?
Date : Sat, 09 Nov 2002 18:20:00 -0500

I'm sorry i<1.Capitalize "I" -5> don't work with your stupid imperial system <2. The imperial system is a system of weights and measures, not grammar. -5>. By the way <3. comma -5> i <4. Capitalize "I" -5> saw an interesting documentary the other day on how to survive if your <5. you're -5> a brain dead <6. brain-dead -5> hick. You should try and watch it. I think it could help you with <7. scratch "with" -5> cope with problems such as <8. comma -5> <9. quotation marks -5> my 10 year old daughter's kid <10. biologically impossible -5> is a brat.<close quotes><11. You cannot begin a sentence with a conjunction. -5> Or <12. comma -5> <13. Quotation marks -5> my overalls are missing a button <14. Period / New sentence -5> what can i <15. Capitalize "I" -5> do?<close quotes>This should be very informative for you.

Your score is 25%, which is still an F (or at least it is in the US). Are you going for extra credit?

-+

Dude, great site! Im Canadian and i've never had such a great laugh! We OWN JOO sucker!

Dont forget that ur greatness is directly related to our greatness you useless fuck!

Later slutfucker.

PS drink our beer its infinitely better than ur shit you inbred bastard!

From : "minus plus" <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
To : <jfcarson@home.com>
Subject : Re: LOL!
Date : Tue, 05 Nov 2002 19:17:26 -0500

Good point! Thanks for reminding me that The US would be NOTHING without the uber-cool-ness of Canada. You indeed 0\/\/N us. We ph33r your L33T Canadian culture. Our culture, after all is completely based on Canadian culture to the point of mimicry, from our government, to our business, to our pop culture. Strange that you mention the superiority of your beer. You see, I've never heard mention of Canadian beer quality being superior to American beer, so I give you kudos for your truly original and deeply inspired reason for touting Canadian Supremacy.

Love, negativepositive

PS: You can call me Sweet Cheeks

Hey.

Stumbled upon your site today and was pretty offended by the "Fuck Canada" stuff. This kind of stuff only fuels nationalistic and wrong-headed notions that these two countries are so dissimilar that we should dislike everything that is different (or in most cases not) and exagerate differences to the extreme so that more people can feel this way.

You think highway 401 is bumpy? Have you ever driven on a freeway in LA? NAMBLA was created in Canada? Try San Fransisco, the world's home to the homos. Poutine might be sick, but which country has higher rates of obesity? And you think that Canadians are proud of their "free" health care system? Have you ever talked to a Canadian about their health care system? You know, the system that makes seniors wait 50 years for their hip replacements or bypass surgerys?!

Well, anyway, who cares? I mean who really cares enough to make a whole site out of it. I know, I know, it's all in the name of satire. And I'm not one to condemn satire, but don't you think "Fuck Canada" is a little harsh?

- Shannon

From: minus plus <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
To: fionnualla@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: stuff and stuff
Date: Tue, 02 Jul 2002 01:06:24 -0700

Let's take this point by point, shall we?

If Canadians weren't so nationalistic and hung up on our differences, I would have never been inspired to make this page, and it definitely would not have been as fun. If you notice, our similarity is a recurring theme on the page.

I'm sorry if I offended the majesty of your most blessed road. I repent. Please forgive me and fill me with your undying Canadian love, like a big jelly donut of redemption.

As for NAMBLA, they were, in fact, formed in Vancouver in the 80's. The fact that you assume that they were formed in San Francisco because of its gay population makes you look dumb on two counts. One: They were not founded there, you only ASSUME they were founded in San Francisco because of some backward, bigoted idea that "Gay = Molester," and Two: On one hand, you have gay couples, which are consenting adults engaging in sexual relations, and on the other hand, you have adult males molesting children, which is a purely "predator / victim" relationship. The fact that you don't differentiate between the two shows how completely out of touch with reality you are. Regardless of whatever religious or moralistic background you come from, it should be easy to see the huge gap in the levels of morality between being gay and fucking little boys. You can keep your pedophiles. We'll keep San Francisco, gays and all.

As for healthcare, I pay twenty bucks a week for insurance. It's my CHOICE if I want to get it or not. I wonder how much more you pay in taxes than me. Try to tell your government that you ELECT not to take their coverage.

Well anyway, who cares? I mean who cares enough to write a big long email about a website they didn't approve of, even when they admit that they know it's satirical? Is "fuck" a harsh word? Would "Drat Canada" spark your interest and curiosity?

Will you marry me? No. I'm serious! I even have a RING -- but the doctor gave me some cream and now it's going away.
-+

From: minus plus <negativepositive@hotmail.com>
To: marybelle77@yahoo.co.nz
Subject: Re: Honey, listen...
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 23:31:37 (EST)

Oh my god. You're so right. If I were capable of hitting the nail as hard on the head as you were, I wouldn't have to pass my unfulfilled time on this planet on my horribly self-absorbed webpage. I would simply be able to just "be." Enlightened and fulfilled, I would have no use for such a petty and contrived mess of text and photographs, and would surely see the beauty and perfection in all living things. Thank you for using the salutation, "Mr. Negativepositive."I feel cared for and respected now and promise to be a good boy from now on.
(Insert rainbow with bell-tree noises here)

-+